Rape vs. Gumdrops: Choosing Reality Over Ignorance

Recently, I have noticed a familiar trend amongst people like those around me growing up, and it is something that I find hard to stay silent about: People just aren't comfortable discussing anything that doesn't result in fuzzy comforting emotions. Granted, who would prefer to talk about rape, abuse, and mental health issues over how their newest Pinterest project is progressing?

Maybe it is my sense of reality or passion for such topics, but seriously, life does not solely consist of gumdrops and smooth baby butts. 

Look, it isn't as if I enter a conversation with someone I have never met beginning with, "Oh hey, I'm Dana and I have BPD because my childhood was tainted and I never learned how to be emotionally stable. You wanna be friends?' That clearly would be undesirable in any exchange; however, if the person I am talking to asks what my tattoo means, what my locket means, or what I blog about, I am not going to deny them of an answer. Ninety percent of the time, I am extremely vague about my experience unless people ask questions. 

Sometimes, I even say, "Well this tattoo has a pretty deep meaning, but I'm willing to tell you, if you want to listen..."

"Oh Sure! I love powerful meanings behind tattoos."

Five minutes later with a hint of repulsion I hear, "Oh umm well, sounds like that part of your life is over, and its in the past. Now you can focus on being happy."  

Uhhh...what?

Good intentions aside, being a survivor doesn't mean I have completely detached myself from my experience. I still get vivid flashbacks and new memories on a weekly basis. From that very definition, it really isn't over. Am I bathing in my past? No. Does it control every decision I make in my life? No. Has it helped shape who I am? Yes. Does it represent my strength? Absolutely. 

Choosing to discuss my experience openly in no way shape or form means I am still a victim. It simply means I have chosen to utilize the darkness I have seen to spread awareness. I have said before that to spread awareness, I must be blunt, and ugly. It frightens me that people can not handle the honest truth about what goes on in this world, because if they are scared, how can they stand up against it?

If one can not bear to watch the news because the crimes against humanity that are so common sickens them, so be it. However, if these same people are commenting about these crimes on what should be done, without true knowledge of the matter, then they are kidding themselves. 

I once was told off by a self-proclaimed victim advocate, because she was uncomfortable with a news channel revealing the report details on a sexual assault case. I was rather confused, as number one, victim advocates know the ins and outs of these dealings, and number two, if she couldn't handle the "vague" details, she would have been an awful victim advocate.

People have every right to separate themselves from the evil that exists in this world. I don't blame them, there is some heavy stuff happening right now. What I won't stand for is these same people pretending to be experts on such matters, especially when they are talking to me. It is invalidating and hurtful to all the other survivors who actually live with this pain every day.

The desire to get involved is one that is optional to everyone, but don't turn your head in disgust from the survivor if you can't stomach the truth.