Before You Watch 'Fifty Shades of Grey', Read This

I told myself I wasn't going to use the phenomenon surrounding 50 Shades to utilize my platform, but the more attention it gets this weekend through the movie premiere, the more my obligation to educate people grows.

Despite what I state here, let me be clear that I am not going to judge anyone who sees the movie. However, please understand that when you watch it, watch it with a mind that understands what is TRULY being represented. On top of that, I most certainly am not judging the BDSM lifestyle, because legitimate BDSM is far from what is represented in the film. So let us get the judgements out of the way, because that is not what my agenda is here.

Additionally, I am someone who has ACTUALLY read the book. I'm not using anything out-of-context.

I have been debating via social media for the past 24 hours, so instead of re-writing what I have been saying, let me just pull from my statements.

 I did read the book the whole way through and here is the deal people: what you need to realize is that media is a powerful force. When there are people saying this is not abuse they are clearly misinformed. Movies can depict this, but they need to call it like it is. There was stalking, and emotional manipulation. Anastasia was vulnerable and drawn in to him and because that manipulation contorted her sense of what she really wanted, it looks like it is consent. It isn't though. BDSM does not equate with what this movie depicts. Fantasy or no fantasy: media producers need to admit to the reality of what they are depicting. The ACCEPTANCE of the portrayals of abusive relationships, even if it's a movie, just shows that a culture will not realize what is abuse in reality. Go get titillated, but remember that somewhere nearby, an actual woman is being controlled in the same fashion and has no way out. I feel like people need to read Susan Brownmiller's book, because as more attention is given to this film, the culture to support it is becoming more prevalent... People need to start talking, because if this is what it takes to educate the masses in what so many people experience in reality, let the awareness begin. Additionally, from my experience, let me say I was infatuated with my abuser. He took advantage of my vulnerability. He made me feel like no one else mattered but him and I felt by the end I had no choice but to give in. Even if I said I wasn't comfortable or no he was always rationalizing it to make me feel like I deserved or desired it.

Don't mistake the age of my trauma to offset the patterns in an abusive relationship. They are all the same. Just because someone is an adult, doesn't mean they are immune from abusive patterns.

Let's get the BDSM issue out of the way. This is not BDSM. Coming directly from someone in the adult industry I was inadvertently in a Facebook discussion with:

I have read all these books and have worked in the adult industry for over 5 years. I can say this book is trash and makes me mad because I have worked with people educating them in the correct way of getting into BDSM and this book is everything you DON'T want to do. It may not be noticed to those who are not familiar with the BDSM community or even the stages of abuse, but with all these things popping up to educate you with FACTS, don't be ignorant and ignore it. It's a story written by someone who had no idea what the hell she was talking about and it clearly shows. I understand why people want to see it, but keep in mind that this relationship should not be wanted by a single soul or idolized - Jammie Ryerson

"Dana...it's just a flipping movie! It doesn't mean it is making choices for people!"

No it isn't. However, media has the impeccable ability to warp how things are perceived. If the abusive relationship was called out on, recognized in some fashion, this would not be as big of an issue as it is becoming.

If you ever have seen the movie Enough with J-Lo, then you would see a movie that says clearly it is about domestic abuse. Interestingly enough, the patterns established in that movie aren't far from what is represented in 50 shades. Go figure.

Everyone keeps saying "This isn't abuse! There was a contract." Okay...stop it. That contract was not introduced until Anastasia had been far in the manipulation process. This isn't two consenting adults from the beginning. It was an obsession, that turned into stalking and emotional manipulation. Anastasia, being naive, and drawn into Christian's tall, dark, and handsome, is all it took. She had a fascination with him and because he gave her the attention she was thirsting, it was all the easier to be contorted.

Abusive relationships do not start with a man threatening the woman. If that were the case, the woman would run. There is a cycle, and once a victim gets caught in it, it is almost impossible to escape. There is a honeymoon period that it starts with, which isn't all that different from the grooming period in sexual abuse. Eventually, the victim is sucked in and somehow buys into all the crap the abuser is spouting. Abusers know what to feed off from, trust me.

There are enough people writing about this to form a thesis, so I'm not going to keep blabbering. If you want some good sources of context comparison and legitimate articles representing my point, they are below.

Fifty Abusive Moments in Fifty Shades of Grey: A woman's blog analyzing the book in pieces. It is a long read, but doesn't take long to realize how much sense it makes.

Even the co-stars of the movie think 50 Shades of Grey is awful (and maybe even a bit like Hitler): Yea...they knew something wasn't right.

Review-'Fifty Shades of Grey' Is Abusive Gender Roles Disguised As Faux-Feminism: A review on Forbes nonetheless by a male. This is more non-biased but still representative of the themes shining through the film. Long, but good read.