I have asked myself this very question numerous times the past couple of weeks. So many times in life we shy away from those things that frighten us because we don't want to risk stability. However, how often does stability bring true joy?
For me I played it safe for years, staying within a "black and white" mentality only to fall within the cracks of society. I'm not talking about going unnoticed, I'm simply talking about flowing right along with the people that surrounded me. I was too afraid to speak my mind when tough questions were presented.
I always thought "this can't be right, that isn't what I was taught," and for the most part I just shrugged off anything that was pointing me in the other direction. We strive so hard in society to please the mass majority, but in the end is that what we truly deserve as an individual?
We are each crafted in such a unique way, that no one should be able to mimic every iota of our being. So why do we struggle so hard to be someone else? For me, I had a lot of factors that dictated why I was afraid to be myself. Religion, culture, the school I went to, general demographics in the town I grew up in, parenting style....and much more. I thought I had to be this cookie-cutter Baptist conservative who lived the American dream.
In the past year, through therapy and digging through the sludge of my past along with pushing away the denial of who I was fighting for so long, I have started to confront my fears, specifically in the past couple of weeks.
Do you know that my biggest fear is finding true joy? All growing up I was told to be thankful for what I was blessed with, and that couldn't be further from the truth. However, true joy doesn't always stem from blessings. To me, in order to find happiness you have to go through a bit of muck.
"Dana, hasn't your life been a bit mucky already?"
Yea sure, but whose hasn't? We have all had trials of some shape or form. Trials that were thrown on us without asking for it. Trials that may have helped developed how we act as human beings today. But tell me, have you ever specifically decided to go through the worst in order to get the best?
Many people may disagree with me over this, specifically those close to me, however opinions are opinions. We all have them.
This past week, on February 26th, I decided to confront those fears because I was given a reason to do so. A reason that practically fell in my lap. Ever since that day, the sun has literally been shining and I can't stop but thank God for that, and the joy he has instilled in my heart.
So tell me, are you afraid of joy?
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