In light of Robin Williams' recent passing, I felt compelled to blog about suicide in attempts to raise awareness through this unfortunate event.What the world depicted of Robin was that of a man who brought happiness through the silver screen, but in reality he was constantly suffering.
We sometimes wonder how those who are very successful, and otherwise depicted happy, can so quickly lose the battle to their internal demons. When I heard the news of his suicide, while devastated, I was not shocked because I knew that he had been suffering for so long. I am by no means saying it was a solution to his turmoil, but I DO know exactly how he may have felt in those last moments.
The only thing I could do was feel a deep empathy for him as I knew how exhausting it might be to fight your mind for so long. To give some perspective, although I was recently diagnosed with BPD, I have been suffering for probably a decade and a half. For a majority of those years I dealt with weekly suicide thoughts, a few drawn out plans, and a couple of impulse attempts that went wrong. I have fought with every ounce of my being against my disease...and you know what? I am SUPER EXHAUSTED! I am only 26.
Robin had about an extra 30 or more years (of battling) on me. That is scary to imagine.
Do we as non-celebrities ever stop to wonder how much more draining the will to fight becomes when we are constantly being watched? I know that even if I am at a small get-together, it is a challenge to be the "social butterfly Dana" that most claim to know me by. Imagine having the world watch you, not just a few friends.
Robin spent decades lifting the spirits of others, but unable to emerge completely out of his own darkness. There is so much of an understanding for his pain in me, that it literally brings me to tears just thinking about how much he must have been hurting in those last moments.
We all struggle to understand the thoughts of those who take their lives. The first thing we say is, "How could they be so selfish?" Yes, they leave us with pain and unanswered questions, and that hurts! Yet, maybe we could stop and analyze those around us who are still alive, but are also suffering from mental disease. Maybe we could start to validate their agony, and remind them of their connection to the universe, rather than be angry with their desire to exit life and stamp it as "selfishness."
I do believe in the passing of a great man, there have been many awakenings in local communities to create awareness for mental health. Let's not let the end of his legacy on earth go to waste, but rather learn from his suffering.
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