Will She Sing?

Today, I took a big step in posting my newest composition to YouTube. I am typically self-conscience about my music, and considering the piece was about my sexual assault it was even more difficult to release it to the public. As discussed in one of my posts during Sexual Assault Awareness Month, I had written music in the past about my trauma, but never as raw as my recent piece.

I wrote the lyrics from a third person perspective, because many times when I disassociate, I feel I am outside of myself looking down at the part of me that is still a victim. There is a dream of earthly justice, that I will never receive, and by composing this song, it gave me a sense of closure, at least about the unfairness of it all.

Knowing I would be emotionally vulnerable, even to the point of tears, reaffirmed that I had to be forthcoming with posting my song. It seemed more appropriate to do it via video than just recording an audio track. The video is below and I included the lyrics as well. I love you all. (On a side note, when I recorded this, I didn't have a title for the piece. I think I settled for the title of this post. Maybe I'll change my mind, but I think it fits).

 

 Will She Sing?

She builds her wall brick by brick

Until the thought of it just makes her sick

She can't block out all her fears

From being shackled to him many years

What does it matter?

It's in the past...

At least that's what they tell her

When the nightmares are coming fast

He holds her down and steals her youth

Her cries of pain become quickly mute

As his hand covers her mouth

He scares her into shame and doubt

What does it matter?

Just let it go...

That's what they keep telling her

As she screams no

Will they listen if she's gone?

Will they finally say he was wrong,

When he tore away her soul?

She has no where else to go...

She fights the urge to appear weak

But when in silence, the memories reek, so

She uses men to mop her tears

Before she puts away a few more beers

What does it matter?

Just let him win...

 That's what she tells herself

As she washes down the pills with gin

Will they listen when she's gone?

Will they finally say he was wrong,

When he tore away her soul?

She had no where else to go...

Will you listen now that she's gone?

Will you finally say he was wrong,

When he tore away her soul?

You can't just let him go...

Well he grins with no remorse

As they beat him down with force

The game is up they said

As she wakes up in her bed...

Will she sing now that he's gone?

Will she stop saying she was wrong,

When he tore away her soul?

She can finally let him go

She can finally let him go

She might just let him go...