The Text and The Borderline

Texting has become one of the top forms of communications, and as much as it is convenient, I have grown to despise it. For quick bits of information, it is a prime selection, but when it comes to serious conversation, it really should be a no go. Yet many of my friends and family prefer this to talking on the phone.

It is annoying.

I am sure there are those who agree with me, but let me explain to you from my perspective why I many times pull out my hair when I receive a novel-lengthed text in response to an unanswered call. 

It is obvious that when someone tries to have a serious conversation via text messaging, it doesn't pan out, even in the sense of normal human beings. Throw Borderline Personality Disorder into the mix, and you might as well just say goodbye to any healthy interaction. Don't get me wrong, I often give in to the ease of telling my story with my thumbs, but internally, I am conflicted. Especially when I don't get a response back.

When you talk to someone on the phone, or face-to-face for that matter,  about something serious, there isn't a 2-24 hour wait for a response to your dilemma. Can you imagine if that were the case? Awkward. Also on the receiving end, could you imagine blindly staring at a loved one's face for half a day after they poured their heart out to you? I didn't think so.

Look, people are busy. I get that. I don't expect a text back for most things, but when there is a refusal to communicate ANY other way but by texting, it leaves me no choice but to ruminate while I'm waiting for responses to important texts. No one likes feeling ignored, but when you are a Borderline who already deals with abandonment issues, it can be extremely difficult to be rational in these instances.

The other problem is that emotion clearly can't be depicted when reading a text. There is no ability to gauge the writer's emotions or the reader's true reaction. What is left is the need to tip-toe around sensitive subjects, which can leave both parties unsatisfied. On the other hand, a misconception of meaning behind a text could start a full blown war.

How many times have you misconstrued something that was written and ended up being offended by it, when that wasn't the original intention? I am sure this has happened more than once. Now imagine being someone like me, whose negative emotions are amplified, then being thrown into that situation. Not a good mixture.

Granted, I have become better not to read too much into texts and/or friends' lag on responses, but it takes me hours of skill-working not to analyze these interactions. There were many a time where  friends of mine have completely dropped the ball on responding to something crucial, and I have fallen apart. I have to use all sorts of techniques to pull myself away from catastrophizing the moment, so that by the time my friend actually responds a day later and says, "Oh I am sorry I didn't get back to you...I was...blah blah blah," I have the ability to say, "No biggie" and actually mean it.

Things aren't going to change, and considering I just learned "Radical Acceptance," I need to just be okay with the fact that people may always choose to text rather than to call. However, wouldn't it do us all some good to revert a little?