Frankly...I'm Ticked

I came to realize that my latest post was missing a key component of my current status and that is for the past 24 hours, I have been internally fuming. Hear me out.

This past week has represented positivity in multiple forms, giving me the ability to capture the meaning behind my abuse. It seemed that a lot of things were falling into place, and my hard work in fighting against sexual violence was coming to fruition. I thanked God for these opportunities that have fallen on my lap, but did not rest in my endeavors.

Going into group, I had a strut in my step because I was indeed proud of myself for these accomplishments. I was excited and happy, which to my understanding, is something that is strived for when going through therapy, especially DBT.

My happiness was immediately shot down once I had my individual session. Now, I can't go into detail about the dialogue that occurred between my therapist and I, because it brings up specific scenarios from group, and to protect the privacy of other members, I must remain vague. The discussion surrounded around my persona, and how I conversed among the group members.

As my therapist described her interpretation of my word-for-word exchanges between the other girls, I was confused and irritated. This is why:

1. She had warped what I said into something that sounded ridiculous.
2. Everything was completely out of context.

Granted, I did ponder the possibility of me sounding the way she had depicted, because I can be a bitch, but I usually know when I have reached that point. The only thing I could do was go over everything that was said word-for-word between the other girl(s) and I. I knew for a fact I was being quoted incorrectly, and that peeved me off.

Her intentions were not to make me feel like crap, but that is exactly how I felt. I was ticked and I expressed that to her. She told me that was okay and to sit with it for a while. Twenty-four hours later, I still can't seem to get over this, and it really is minuscule in relation to the "big picture." The only reason I am this upset is because what started as a positive week, ended in me beating myself up for something I am not entirely sure I even did.

I trust my therapist in her analytics when it comes to my persona 99% of the time, but I'm still feeling a little weary about this one. The only thing I can do at this point is be more mindful of everything that comes out of my mouth, because frankly, I don't know who I am anymore.

This was not meant to be negative by all means, but just an observation of my current confusion with who I am in the eyes of others. I don't want to push people away, and have been working really hard not to offend others, but I suppose things aren't really as they seem.