Rape is Rape...(Sensitive Material)

Yesterday, I was overwhelmed with emotions for those who have contacted me thus far and shared their own stories. What pains me through this is knowing that some of these people have had their experiences invalidated by those who claim to love and encourage them. In turn, these fellow survivors, are pushing away the affirmation of trauma.

Let me be clear to all of you out there who have been in my shoes: It matters not the origin of our stories, the severity of the physical wounds, or how many times it happened. Rape is Rape. Every victim faces the same whirlwind of confusing emotions.

 If anyone says you need to "leave it be" or you are "being dramatic," they just don't understand. The fact of the matter is, it can be difficult for anyone to relate to a specific trauma, especially Rape,  unless they have been a victim themselves. However, we can try and help them empathize, by walking them through the event and the emotions behind it. Nancy Venable Raine felt this same frustration as she explained in After Silence:

“’Snap out of it,’ ‘put it behind you,’ ‘forget about it’—words of advice I heard many times from those closest to me—hardly seem reasonable requests. Indeed, these pleas are especially painful because they come with love. To a rape survivor, nothing is more desired or more impossible than forgetting.”

I know that these statements from loved ones can create a barrier between hurting and healing. The more I heard similar words, the more I pushed it down. To this day, I still sense a rivalry amongst voicing the truth and giving up the reigns to silence. Fresh from my journal (4/18):

"I could let him win right now. The choice is mine.
I could let the courage fade, and become weak to his control.
I could let his voice reign true and say to myself, "You deserved it. You wanted it. You loved him."
I could give up right now, and I want to, because it isn't worth it.
It isn't worth the feeling of being ripped apart inch by inch by conflicting emotions.
It isn't worth it if I can't voice my opinions out loud!
If I continue to let them invalidate the horror, how is that helping me?"

Nancy Raine once again reminds me of the parallel despair rape survivors experience; then I feel safe, and not "crazy":

“Life as a rape survivor is full of contradictions and layers of shame…I had come to the conclusion that my continued silence was a wounding disguised as a healing. Denial had been ticking, and when the timer went off…I was discovering that truth-telling could be a healing disguised as a wounding”

When I wrote in my journal of couple nights ago, I could only think about all the other victims who haven't taken the journey to becoming a survivor; or worse, were never given a chance:

"Today, my heart aches for those who never had the courage to seek the help they needed. The ones who let their rapist win by committing suicide because they were scorned, or had no one to talk to; or they lived somewhere where Rape was just a rite of passage.

Today, my heart aches for the victims of Rwanda, the Holocaust, and any other mass genocide that included the brutal rape and murder of women and children.

Today, my heart aches for all the college freshmen who where just trying to fit in, and found themselves drugged, raped, and beaten.

Today, my heart aches for the little girls and boys whose only escape from hell is their school.

Today, my heart aches for the teenage girl whose own blood betrayed her trust and love.

Today, my heart aches for me, for you, for us."

To the others who have been raped: I hear you, I cry for you, and I love you.