Pedophiles use their ability to relate to children on a personal level and suck them in by giving them the attention they may not be receiving at home or from friends. I recently read a book, Tiger Tiger, about a woman, Margaux Fragoso, who was being sexually abused by a man for years. The relationship started when she was 7 and went on until she was 22. As I read the memoir, I was right at home with how she felt about his humanity and the need to please him. She had a rough home-life, and this man utilized that to his advantage. He gave her attention, she idolized him, and by the time she knew what was really happening, it was too late.
In my situation, I too was vulnerable to attention. I have mentioned before how I was captured by his charm and how he treated me special. He was good-looking, and I was at an age where I was giddy about cute teen boys. He groomed me and I was his. He convinced me he was the only one who loved me and I believed him. Was he mean? Sometimes. But by that point, I had already been guilted into continuously pleasing him.
Did you know that the worst date rapist was also the nicest? Jeffrey Marsalis used a dating website to prey on single women. He appealed to their interests and photoshopped pictures of himself and lied about his persona. My friend, and fellow RAINN Speakers Bureau member, JoAnn Buttaro, was one of his many victims. They first communicated online, then spoke on the phone, then planned a date. The date was enjoyable, they had a few drinks, and good conversation.
JoAnn went to his apartment with him, but didn't know what was in store for her. At his apartment she refused alcohol, but took a soda, which he drugged. The next thing she remembered, she was awake, naked, but not feeling well. He was gentle and even took her to get some food to feel better. She left feeling confused, but from the way he treated her, it was hard to tell what happened. Just today she said to me, "He was nice the next morning or days following and many victims including myself spoke to how it confused them."
Her story is a powerful one and you can go to www.joannspeaksout.com to read more about her experience and even listen to a speech. She was also featured on an episode of "Very Bad Men," which highlighted Marsalis. You can also follow her on Twitter @JoAnnSpeaksOut.
The fact of the matter is, the public needs to be educated on the reality of how these criminals work. People need to get their head out of the sand and wake up! Instead of complaining about the news reporting on the details, why don't you do something within your community to educate other adults and children? The news is filled with sexual assault cases, detailed at that. These details typically come straight from the victim. It is released on their own volition. Nothing is shared without it being approved.
Furthermore, I am rather tired of people putting the John Balyo case on a pedestal. What I mean by this is specifically treating him worse because of who he is. Rape is awful no matter who commits it and he is NOT the only one to utilize status and a nice personality to victimize others. While it is absolutely atrocious, he is only one of the "
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