Radically Accepting Who I Am and Loving It

I have come to a turning point in my life, one that tests my ability to handle complex emotions and situations. Half-a-year ago, had I been faced with the same whirlwind of what I am dealing with right now, I probably would be in a constant state of disassociation. It is interesting that through therapy, that I am hitting more difficult roadblocks, but I now have the tools to handle them.

DBT has enabled me to not only regulate my emotions through a slew of distress tolerance skills, but also to radically accept my WHOLE being. Tara Brach, a psychologist who specializes in meditation, says it perfectly:

"There is something wonderfully bold and liberating about saying yes to our entire imperfect and messy life."

It is so very true, and I now fully understand this quote.

It isn't necessarily a walk in the park to radically accept life as it is. When I say radically accept, I don't mean you have to accept everything about your life with a smile on your face. In fact, if you aren't accepting the negativity freely, then you aren't really practicing it correctly anyway. I have learned to be okay with the "bad" emotions, but also not to dwell in them.

I have also learned that much of my negative emotions that I just couldn't handle stemmed from an underlying pressure to be someone I'm not. I realized in order to radically accept life, I had to not hide anymore. This past week has been extremely exhausting, but also very liberating for me. While I understand that it might just get harder, it will simultaneously get easier.

There are a few things that help me through this:

• Taking it one day at a time
• Knowing God loves me no matter what
• Having the right support people (which includes my husband who is the most supportive and open person despite myself)

I have gained quite a few new friends in the past few months, but in particular a couple in the past week that have really helped cement the acceptance of my persona. Some of these people I have known for a while, but didn't get the chance to talk to in depth until now. One of them specifically has been a huge support because she can empathize immensely with my complex emotions right now. Her positivity, reminders to take things slowly and not feel guilty for who I am, along with calling me out on the normalcy of everything I'm experiencing, has made this time a bit easier.

Sometimes you just need to reach out to the right people at the right time, and you will be surprised at the support you might get. Through my husband and these couple of friends, I know that everything will be okay and I thank God immensely for placing them in my life.