BUYER BEWARE!

Victim-blaming.

We all do it. Don't even try and say that you don't, because as humans we are institutionalized to do it. When you hear a story about a campus rape at a party and the first thing you think or say is "Why did she even drink?" or "Why would she dress like that to a party?" it is victim-blaming.  

It is what establishes the mythology behind rape and other forms of assault. It is what causes cases to be dropped even when there is empirical evidence. It is why society is uneducated and in turn scared. It is why survivors are afraid to come forward. It is also why people like me, while being stated as "brave" and "beautiful" for talking openly about my trauma, experience strain in social environments.

Before this week, I never even thought it was possible that my ability to be open about my history would cloud a person's ability to connect with me, but there is a first time for everything. I am not talking about a conversation with a stranger going sour because I say "Hey, guess what happened to me!" We all know I'm not like that. Yet, as my blog has made quite the rounds, there are people I have conversed freely with that I didn't even know read my blog.

I don't sit here and wonder about what people think about me in regards to my history because if I was afraid of judgments, then it would be quite pointless to have been public in sharing my story. Furthermore being a Speakers Bureau Member for RAINN and a victim advocate would just be silly if I truly was concerned about people's beliefs behind my trauma.

I don't care, because every time I open my mouth, I am fighting the continuing mythology behind experiences like mine.

In any case, there are people that have reservations about me because of who I am and what happened, and that is a real shame. There is this sense me being "damaged goods" or "tainted." Well shit! If people think like that, it is no wonder victims self-blame! It is such a dangerous line of thinking when you are friends with someone who is a survivor, so if you think that way, you better check yourself. 

We are not broken. We are not tainted. Our lives may have been morphed or shaped because of our experiences but we do not become our trauma. For a moment this week, I thought:

Maybe it's true....Perhaps I should walk around with a sign that says WARNING: TAINTED MEAT! BUYER BEWARE!!!

Uh no.

I am the way God made me and that's cool. I love being who I am, and frankly going through what I went through kind of certifies me as an official bad-ass. So deal with it.