The Most Important Lesson I Learned in 2014

So, I was quite the giddy adult going into the days before Christmas, and I woke up Christmas Eve morning with a hop in my step and a warmth in my heart that I was sure could never be diminished. By the time December 30th rolled around, I was positive that I had been tested in some shape or form on my ability to manage a multitude of triggering events.

The first minor setback in enjoying the holiday season was the very fact that toddlers are unaware of what day it is, let alone when they will be cutting a very intense molar. My poor handsome baby boy had a miserable Christmas, and that poured right onto mommy. He wouldn't eat or nap because he was in so much pain, which then led an emotional Dana because I had no idea how to fix the problem at hand.

On top of that, my niece was very sick with Croup, which made for a difficult holiday for my brother and sister-in-law. My eldest brother got the Flu and it appears more of my family members are ill. Being sick is rather frustrating, but when you are supposed to be enjoying your vacation, and you are coughing and vomiting instead, it's like a slap in the face.

While these unfortunate events toned down the joy that I was trying to hold on to this year, it was no comparison to the ultimate test that hit me a couple days ago.

I recently have written about becoming more vulnerable and allowing myself to feel positive emotions and start opening myself up to others. This is something that is fairly new to me because early on I trained myself to "go in my shell," so to speak, before there was even a chance that I would get hurt. It has been very empowering to let my guard down and get closer to powerful emotions. Whether it be through Prolonged Exposure Therapy, or perhaps opening my heart to someone, it has been quite the journey.

A couple days ago I was blind-sided by a sudden detachment from somebody I care about and had been vulnerable with. I shouldn't ever expect a positive result from vulnerability, or "daring greatly" as Brene Brown would call it, but I also don't expect to be "left out in the cold." Abandonment to me is the most intense trigger of emotional turmoil. Unless you have similar issues, you might not understand.

I'd prefer not to go into detail, because it really isn't important to the post I am writing other than the fact that I learned a powerful lesson through this. Being vulnerable is a complicated and empowering, but mostly incredible painful process. This week I cried the hardest I have in a while, and while some people may have been uncomfortable with my 12 hours of anger and dismay, had I not let myself sit in those tears, I may be worse off now.

Don't be afraid to let the tears flow. We are human and emotions are there to tell us something important. I was hurt, deeply, and I may not be able to bounce back completely from that, but at least I know I bounced back.