The Three Voices

Hey guys.

So I have been gone for a bit, I do apologize.

I felt it was unnecessary to continue a trend of posting about my weekly struggles with heavy burdens. I kept saying, "It doesn't matter, because no one cares, and who am I to force them to take off their rose-tinted glasses?"

These past couple of weeks, I have become aware of the three inner voices that dictate how I decide to handle each situation. I have to give credit to an author known as Matt Atkinson for naming these voices, because until I started reading some of his work, I couldn't separate them.

Everyone has these voices I believe; The Warrior, The Victim, and The Elder. When a person is well-balanced, all three of these voices work together giving each other high fives with every victory and holding hands when a threat is nearby.

I have realized that at the moment, I am not a rounded individual when it comes to these three voices. Those of you who hang out with me on a regular basis see more of The Warrior and The Elder.

The Warrior is strong and doesn't accept help from anybody, even when forced upon her. She is incredibly stubborn. She can be rather angry at times and spit fire when necessary.

The Elder is wise and can utilize life experience to an advantage. She steps back and analyzes a situation, talks The Warrior down, and speaks with intelligence and philosophy.

In the past two weeks I have been cycling heavily between The Warrior and The Elder. Honestly, that has kind of been my strategy for 18 years.

I rarely let The Victim open her mouth. Not to say I haven't been somewhat vulnerable at times, but I usually don't let it last. One of my best friends, Betsy, pointed out that when I had left her a voicemail clearly layered with tears, by the end of it, I had sucked them back in and said sternly, "Okay, yeah, call me."

I don't know if it is because I am Cuban or what, but I just don't like to appear weak. You all know that. All I ever hear from my own husband is, "You are the strongest person I know! Go GET EM TIGER!" Every time I hear words like these, it reinstates The Warrior back to first place. "I can't let them see my weakness, they are depending on me to be strong!"

 The Victim is alive, but she is cowering in the corner and afraid to speak up. The problem is if I keep pushing her away, I will never heal. I have to be vulnerable.

Does that mean I let her control me? No. It just means that I have to let her talk. She needs to say "I've been wronged, I am hurt, I am crying." The Warrior and The Elder need to comfort her but not silence her.

NO MORE SILENCE.

(Thank you again to Matt Atkinson for providing me with inspiration).