New Beginnings

So...hey there everyone.

I know, I know, I have been slacking quite a bit. What has it been, five months?

Sounds about right...

So here is the deal.

Five months ago, I was on a new mom high.  I had just decided to leave my demanding job to stay at home with Link and was super excited.  I had that "nothing can stand in my way" mentality.  Included in that mentality was the idea to start this blog so I could tell the wonderful tales of motherhood from what I believed to be an interesting perspective.

Then, I decided to feel sorry for myself.

It is no surprise really. All new moms go through the same type of thing at some point, mine just took me a while to realize how deep in depression I really was.

I wasn't working full time anymore and my social life was close to extinct. The only human interaction I was getting was with my baby, husband, and immediate family. I understand that this may not sound like a horrible life; however, it was a HUGE adjustment. I made a living by being a social butterfly and by deciding to commit myself to my child I clipped those wings right off.

So instead of dealing with my feelings of inadequacy and regret, I turned to Netflix. Seriously, this addiction was at its worst because I was watching full series, even of stuff I had already seen before. I didn't want to exercise, or nonetheless blog, because all I cared about was Grey's Anatomy, Private Practice, Desperate Housewives, Parks and Rec, 24, Breaking Bad, Supernatural, Scandal, Revenge, Once Upon a Time, Alias....I'm sure there are more... I know there are more.

I told you it was bad.

I somehow thought that I could just cover up my depression with my involvement in the fictional worlds presented by television, but I was completely wrong.  I had lost interest in the importance of my life. Sure, I knew I was essential as a mother, but I couldn't find any other reason why I was crucial. That is when I stopped caring about how I looked.

I would kid myself into believing that I was "slimming down" from my feeble attempts at losing weight, but I really was just rationalizing my poor health habits.  For months, I continued the cycle of working out, kind of watching what I was eating, weighing myself, tossing my hands up in the air asking "What's the point?" when the number on the scale did ANYTHING but go down, and then head for the emergency bag of whatever fruity candy I could conjure up.

Then, I had the amazing opportunity to go visit my aunt in Texas with my mom and step-dad. I even brought Link with me! It was a blast but while I was there I was reminded of the importance of taking care of myself.

 My mom has continuously encouraged me to better myself and although I would listen to her repeated advice in agreement,  I would tend to not take it to heart on a permanent basis because I am habitual in my ways. She is probably nodding her head right now because she is all to familiar with this back and forth between both our stubborn Cuban attitudes. My aunt, however, has her own kind of, what we call "Mesa mentality," and usually it scares the crap out of me.  In a good way.

It wasn't until after a morning Tabata session in Texas with my mom and my aunt that something snapped. I initially was aggravated because the amount of pressure I felt to lose weight between the two of them was overwhelming. I was feeling as if no one thought I could accomplish anything on my own.  I even said some things that were out of anger and I regret that. I ultimately realized that I was really upset with myself and not them. I had let myself go and I was infuriated.

After I returned home, I made a serious commitment to get back to being healthy and active. I started the Rugged Regimen, which my aunt showed me. I also have been eating a low-cal, high protein, diet to curb my desire for snacking.  I have started practicing piano instead of watching TV and also interacting more with Lincoln.  It has only been a week, but I'm finally starting to realize what it really takes to be a super mom. I'm done feeling sorry for myself and I am ready to start this new chapter in my life.

Thank you Mom and Tia Angie for being such a continued support in my life and sorry for being such a pain in the butt. I love you both.